What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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