..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
