You're earring is so big in my mouth
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
