you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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