I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
