If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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