READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
