I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
