$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
