You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
