She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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