the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
