Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
