Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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