sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
