I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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