I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
