awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
