She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
