Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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