Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.