Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
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Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.