Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
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She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..