I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."