this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.