Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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