Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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