i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
