I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
