i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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