Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
