Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.