I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?