Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
