help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i love accidental penises.
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so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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