I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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