I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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