dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
