How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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