I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
