Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
