We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
