Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
