God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
