wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there was a trapeze. enough said
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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