hotel room ftw
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
