He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
