The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
