I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my liver is dry heaving
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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