can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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