There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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