I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
