so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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