he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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