Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
