Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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