she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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