i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
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my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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