I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
