Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had sex on a roof
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize