remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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